The Beginning of the End
by Kadyn
Summary: Unable to cope with the events that took place when she and Bolivia were swapped, Olivia chooses to leave rather than try to fix the shattered pieces in the puzzle that used to be her life.  But can you ever run from who you are?
1. Chapter 1

The Beginning of the End

Disclaimer: Don't own, but I want!

Story warning: this is not a happy Fic, there are no roses and butterflies and kitties here. This is Dark Fic territory. Angst wrapped up with a pretty black bow and kicked into Centerfield of Emo land. I'm going to drag these characters through the mud because when the mood strikes and I feel dark and broody that's what I get inspired to do! If you don't want some deep dark Olivia thoughts, turn back now, you've been warned. :]

Just felt I needed to dig deep and balance out all that fluffy smut I've been giving you!

Preface –

_The Beginning of the End_

Olivia pulled the clothes from the washer in wadded handfuls hurling them to the floor. Articles of clothing that had seemed so familiar, things that had once brought her comfort, now alien and out of place.

Her breath hitched in her throat and her heart stumbled when she found the shirt.

How many times had Olivia seen this shirt on him? Fantasized about wearing it, being able to wrap herself in its soft jersey folds as she went to bed and snuggled under the cover of night with the smell of Peter engulfing her senses even if she couldn't be in his arms.

And here it was in her washer, and it smelled like her.

Unable to let the shirt fall from her fingers Olivia sank down next to the dryer and let the tears come.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two –

_Everything has a place, and every place has a name, but none of them remain the same_.

Olivia stood on the hard wood floor of her Apartment entryway feeling like a soldier in a foreign land.

Feet braced wide in a in a defensive posture, Olivia surveyed her home. On the outside everything looked the same; the same furniture, the same layout; the same lamp and table; couch and chair…but she knew it would never be the same.

She had heard often times from victims of break-ins that it took a long time to feel comfortable in their own homes again; they often spoke of feeling violated, of being strangers in their own homes.

Olivia's home had not simply been invaded; no one had come in and taken her things, this stranger taken her life.

Olivia had been violated in every way possible, her home; her work; her persona; even the man she loved; all stolen from her in her own bed. And what was worse; the people she loved, the _Man_ she loved had not noticed a thing.

Olivia left her place in the foyer and walked to the bedroom.

She refused to think of it; even in her own mind as _her_ bedroom—nothing in this house could ever be just hers again.

Still there were some things Olivia could not bear to leave. She took a suit case from the closet and began wandering through the house.

She took the picture of Ella and Rachel from the shelf; and the two of her and her mother.

She took one with her and Walter, they were in the lab with Astrid behind them she was smiling and he had half a cotton candy stuck in his mouth, this was the way she wanted to remember him the most, his eccentric goofy side, not the dark brooding man tortured by his own inner demons.

Olivia had enough demons of her own to deal with.

She did not take the photo of her and Peter; though it _was_ a snapshot of her, and not the _Other_. She did not want it in her suitcase.

Olivia didn't need a picture to remind her of Peter's face; he had haunted her dreams for years; and haunted her conscious mind on the other side; the only face she could see now was the one he wore when he told her about the other Olivia, when he looked her in the eyes and told her he'd been with her, while she realized he'd been happy with someone else while she'd been gone.

Olivia moved on from the shelf taking two of her favorite books from the collection pleased to see the dust on the jacket; at least she could be certain these had not been touched by the _Other_.

Olivia passed slowly through each room adding various knickknacks to the case, when the case was barely half full she had nothing else to add to it.

Returning to the bedroom Olivia set the case on the bed; already striped of its sheets and pillows, she had not been able to do the laundry the previous night as she had intended, and Olivia doubted that if she'd washed the items a thousand times they'd never feel clean again. So Olivia set out to find something else to wear, something untouched.

Digging through the bottom drawers in her dresser she found a really old worn pair of jeans with a hole in the knee and frayed hems, College jeans; cadet jeans, she had not worn these in years; and judging from the fact that they were still buried deep in the drawer neither had the Other.

Pulling the jeans out to rest on the suit case Olivia continued searching through her drawers eventually finding a shirt folded deep in the bottom that seemed untouched. Then returning momentarily to the kitchen she retrieved the kitchen trash bags from under the sink and began piling the clothes left in the dresser and closet into the large black casings. Piling them by the apartment door she returned to the bedroom picked up the jeans and shirt and carried them into the bathroom.

As quickly as she could Olivia striped her clothes and showered; ignoring the puff that hung on the wall of her shower she used her hands instead to make a soapy lather. Bypassing the brush and comb on her vanity top Olivia finger combed her hair and pulled it back into a low bun again. Not bothering with the makeup on the counter Olivia rinsed her mouth with mouthwash ignoring the toothbrush and then methodically dumped everything in the bathroom into another large bag and piled them by the door.

The jeans were just a bit snug; but they were worn and soft and the t-shirt though wrinkled from the bottom drawer was a neutral color and would blend in almost anywhere. Olivia caught her reflection in the mirror and for a moment could see the girl she used to be in college…all that was missing was a hat and a shoulder bag.

Emerging into the living room Olivia flipped open the borrowed gov't laptop that she'd been handed a few days earlier; her personal laptop having been confiscated as evidence with the Other's files.

Flipping it open and on Olivia quickly brought up the local craigslist and scanning through the Wanted section found a family that was in desperate need of furniture after a house fire. Without a second thought Olivia flipped open the phone and dialed the number listed.

The sky was a dark grey, heavy with rain when Olivia left the apartment. Emerging into the parking lot with the small red suitcase and her keys she approached the black SUV that she had driven so many times; that Peter had driven with her riding shot gun; pouring over some file or photo while Walter carried on in the backseat.

Climbing into the front seat and tossing the suitcase to the side Olivia started the engine and pulled out of the complex.

Heading down the road with no particular direction in mind Olivia came to a stop sign and there on the side of the road was a 'Buy Here Pay Here' car lot. A dark olive green hard-top jeep with a scratch on its right bumper was parked on what little grass there was out front.

It looked strange to see such a vehicle in this urban jungle. The car looked trapped and out of place, encased in the flimsy plastic flags proclaiming a sale the jeep vaguely reminded her of a caged zoo animal; pacing its confines and dreaming of wild open spaces. The jeep was a caged animal in the lot the way Olivia was a caged animal in her apartment, in her job, in this city…in every aspect of her life.

Olivia instantly loved the thing.

Pulling a u-turn she made it into the lot and entered the tiny office building to make an inquiry about it. It was in good condition; and ran well, without carpets or frills it was a 4-wheel drive off-roading machine built for finding the freedom she so desperately craved.

Three hours later Olivia left the lot having traded in her SUV for some cash, the title and keys, her new atlas map added to the faded red suitcase. Olivia once again hit the streets looking nothing like the former agent she had resembled just this morning.

Flipping through her Atlas Olivia closed her eyes and picked a place and then grinning pointed the car in the direction of a different kind of unknown. The first few fat raindrops tapped against the hard top as she merged on the highway and settled in for the drive.

The city was weeping for her as Olivia's tail lights disappeared from view; swallowed up by the rain.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three –

_Lost at Sea, Lost at Sea, _

'_Ore all the world I search for Thee, _

_And find myself lost at Sea_

The Jeeps tires cracked against the gravel as Olivia brought it to a stop, Three days she'd been driving, and she'd reached the spot she'd picked blindly off the Map.

Stepping from the Jeeps warm interior Olivia felt the ocean breeze fresh and chilled against her skin, it's invisible fingers running through her hair, lifting the strands up and away from her face to tangle in the wind, dancing around her head like a wild halo.

The view was breathtaking, the wrens circled and wheeled above the surf, calling out to each other in strangled cries as they fought to right themselves in the aggressive winds above the sea. The Ocean was a rolling grey green mass, alive and un-relentless in its assault against the shell littered beach. The jagged rocks of the Jetties rose up from the dunes to protect this tiny inlet from the fast incoming tide, and the harsh crash of storm driven waves.

Olivia at this moment, felt like she'd reached the end of the world, a paradox of the original Columbus tale, instead of an ocean falling off to the end of the world, Olivia's world dropped off at the start of an endless ocean.

Shoving her ungloved hands deep into the pockets of the worn pea coat she'd picked up on her journey Olivia left the jeep's side and continued down the gravel drive, interested in what she might find at the periphery of this world.

At the rise of the hill she found it, though until that moment she didn't know that she'd been looking.

The little cottage was ringed with gravel, and a worn driftwood fence. Sea foam green with faded white-washed shudders and a lavender door, she seemed misplaced in its surroundings.

Olivia imagined in the calm balm of summer the minute structure would feel like paradise on the edge of the sea. It's windows cranked open to let in soft breezes as kids ran up and down the beach splashing in the surf and searching for sea life between the pools.

But in this moment it was a lone soldier bunkered down against the wrath of winter.

The character in its weathered face spoke of years of wisdom, and history. Of warm welcomes given to families come and gone in days filled with gentle breezes and warm sunshine, and the hardiness to outlast the harsh northeastern winters alone, pounded by surf and sand and the angry wind.

Memorizing the number on the rent sign bent haphazardly in the raging wind Olivia returned to her waiting green friend and returned to the town she'd passed not long before in search of a payphone.

Mrs. Paten had been more than willing to meet Olivia on such short notice, not often finding a tenant for her rental cottage in the midst of winter, she was happy to make the quick arrangements Olivia requested. Arriving at the dinner Olivia had called from very shortly after noon she greeted Olivia with an easy smile, that crinkled the corners of her eyes and made her aged face dimple in the most likable way. She looked like she should be handing Olivia fresh baked cookies instead of a key and a rental contract. And Olivia couldn't help but enjoy this woman's company in a way she'd seldom let herself in her previous life.

Thanking her new landlady again, and finding herself unable to fight Mrs. Paten's infectious smile. Olivia proceeded back through the quiet New England seaside town.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own them, But I sure do enjoy borrowing them!

Chapter Four

Days passed without a telephone, or Television. And Olivia settled into a routine that was all her own making.

Olivia got up early made breakfast and snuggled up in the old overstuffed sofa chair next to the small whitewashed brick fireplace in the cottage living room with a book.

She ran on the beach at mid-day because it was warmer and sometimes the sun was out, peeking from behind the clouds so that Olivia could chase her shadow as she ran, trying to catch it but never quite succeeding.

And because Olivia wanted a life of solitude and quiet reflection but she didn't want to be a hermit She drove into town and visited the dinner for coffee and to see the local news every evening, sometimes she had dinner with Mrs. Paten, talking about the cottage and her late husband, they never talked about Olivia and Mrs. Paten seemed to know instinctively not to ask. Several days a week she visited the used book store in town having re-discovered her love of reading. Olivia wasted many hours reading paperback novels she acquired for a dollar, classics and new favorites, she'd return them the following week for 50 cents and pick out some new ones, it was a small price to pay for something she found so much joy in.

When she was lost in a good book or pounding her way down the beach she didn't have to think about herself; or what she had left behind. The days passed without having much meaning or sense of time to Olivia. The woman who had once been ruled by alarm clocks and deadlines and the beck-and-call of a pager and cellphone now answered to no one.

Days turned to weeks, and slowly Olivia realized the weeks had changed to months; the surf and the wind started to change. Now when she took her runs it was earlier in the morning, and the sun was almost always out; unless there was a light rain that day; and even then the rain no longer pelted her tiny retreat and felt like ice but pattered against her skin when she ran, running down her face and hair in warm rivulets. Instead of driving into town she jogged in for her morning coffee grabbed a paper and jogged back the mile or two to the cottage.

With the calmer days so too did Olivia's mind begin to calm, there was still turmoil and uncertainty in her when she thought about life back in Boston; but instead of feeling as if someone had ripped a hole in her chest; the pain had been reduced to a dull ache.

Sometime around April; or it might have been May Olivia never looked at the date on her papers really a grey cat started sulking around her door. And it wasn't long before Olivia was driving into town to bring back some cat crunchies and a small bowl.

Not long after that Gus moved inside and spent the summer laying in the window sunbeams that traveled across the weathered floor of the cottage from early morning to mid-day. He was an excellent companion who didn't mind reading lots of books, or that his human seemed to enjoy running up and down the beach for no apparent reason whatsoever and would wait for her at the rickety picket fence, flipping his tail and sometimes batting at the long weeds that cropped up along the dunes. Olivia had never really had time for pets since she was a child, her former life hardly lending itself to a pet-friendly environment and she was pleasantly surprised that other then the fish breath Gus was exceptionally good company and incredibly clean and easy to get along with.

Olivia might have continued on with this routine forever, paying no mind to the passing of the days or weeks, or months; and that peace of mind that had been so lacking in her previous life may have been what started it all. Or it may have been something completely outside of her control; Olivia had never known if her life was controlled by her own decisions or someone else's; and more often then not when she had been in Boston in Fringe Division she had felt like her life was not under her own control; like she was simply a passenger along for a rollercoaster ride that someone was expecting her to steer, but that no one had bothered to give her the manual too.

When the days started to shorten again, and Olivia could just start to detect the change in the barometric pressure outside her door she noticed the first issue with the lights.

Olivia was standing at the sink rinsing dishes, Gus was asleep in the armchair on top of the book she was planning to read in a minute when the kitchen light flickered almost like a power surge. This was unusual because all through the wicked winter and one or two harsh summer swells Olivia had never experienced any problems with the lights or electricity. Olivia stopped scrubbing the inside of her tea cup and turned to stare at the overhead light. A few moments later it stopped and Olivia resumed her nightly activities without another thought spared toward the light.

By the time the wind had really begun to pick back up around the little cottage and the sky had turned a harsh and roving sea of endless grey clouds Olivia was starting to suspect there might be a problem with the cottage's wiring. Mrs. Paten had an electrician come out to check everything and when he had found nothing Olivia had called out two more at her own expense to check things out again. Nothing. There was nothing wrong with the cottage's power flow, or breakers, or wiring or light fixtures, they all suggested she should try different bulbs.

And the lights continued to flicker.

More to come in the next week, I will be on vacation but I hear were going to get snowed in…lol so I might be getting a lot more done a lot sooner, I'll keep you updated as always on my profile page; just check under the 'Updates' and 'New Stories' Section to know what's going on! And as always, feel free to drop me a line by review or email! -KEC


End file.
